so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
