I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
