my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
