i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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