mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
