using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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