Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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