btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
