um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
