I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
