drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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