I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
