I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
