Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just high enough for therapy.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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