I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
God I need to hump something, right now.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
