So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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