In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
