the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
