not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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