i was born a porn star she said
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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