well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize