Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
