Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
