I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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