A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
