and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
