I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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