Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
