Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
