Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
