I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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