At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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