So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize