I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I looked at my own cervix.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
