yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
why is half of my head shaved?
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