i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
