Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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