I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
