In America we eat man semen.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize