Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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