There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize