She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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