I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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