Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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