2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
