at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
