i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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