She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
