new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
