look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
