We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
