I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
