Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
