dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
