like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
