my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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