He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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