we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
