OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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