he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
