The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
