I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
