forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
