And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
