i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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