Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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