This girl is more easily done than said...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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