I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize