I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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