once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Someone shattered a urinal.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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