i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
