I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
