Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
