everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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