I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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