I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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