no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
