why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
