I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
