it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
