Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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