Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
