I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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