so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
