What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
