Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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