This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
