So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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