Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
