She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
