quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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