He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
