Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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