The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
