Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
