I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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