I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
