I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
