Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
