i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
