Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
A bitchslap is in order.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
