We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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