Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
