You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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