I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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