I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
