I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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