Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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