God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
